from now on my penis is your penis
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
