so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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