I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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