Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
