do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
