someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
