I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
