He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
