Already got asked if we're dating
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
