Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
