I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
