Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
