:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
