Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
