We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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