I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
