just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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