Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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