Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
