So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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