Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
