In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
