ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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