i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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