yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Damn victory sex feels great
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
