she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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