yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You pole danced in your parka.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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