mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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