the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
