Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize