More tranny stories later!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
