Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
