brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
