you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
