You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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