Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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