Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The air was thick with penises
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize