so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
