if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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