Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
