In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
