Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
