Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
