If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck appropriateness.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
