Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
