So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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