I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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