If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
