I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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