I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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