It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
