Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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