I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
