come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
