sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was CRYING into my vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize