He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
