Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
