He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
