i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
