my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
