I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
