is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
