So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Green mimosas i think yes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize