We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
