I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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