Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
