1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
