I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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