he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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