btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
this is an emotional support booty call
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
