I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
