Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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