You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're too hungover to prance.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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