On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
